Monday, March 22, 2010

Five Love Languages

As I mentioned in the previous post, my marriage faced a a huge speed bump. While I had time away from my husband, I decided to make good use of my time. I knew that some things needed to change in order for us to get back on the right track. I needed to know what I should do to help make my marriage better, to make my husband happy. I looked for help and found it by reading a book, The Five Love Languages-The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
It's kind of ironic that at the same time I'm going through these changes, a fellow blogger (MckMama), has posted about a book called Love & War and shared with her readers about the ups and downs of her marriage and what's helped hers. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, and that there are resources out there to help every couple and their unique needs!As I read through and learned the five love languages, I recognized the ones that belong to both me and my husband. Below are the languages and what they entail. (*taken from 5lovelanguages)
  • Words of Affirmation~ Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
  • Quality Time~ In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
  • Receiving Gifts~ Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
  • Acts of Service~ Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
  • Physical Touch~ This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive

According to the book and the assessment on the website, my main love language is Word of Affirmation and my secondary language is Quality time. An insert from the website says it all on how to put your language to work in your marriage---"You may have scored certain ones of the love languages more highly than others, but do not dismiss those other languages as insignificant. Your husband may express love in those ways, and it will be helpful to you to understand this about him.In the same way, it will benefit your husband to know your love language and express his affection for you in ways that you interpret as love. Every time you or your husband speak each other’s language, you score emotional points with one another. Of course, this isn’t a game with a scorecard! The payoff of speaking each other’s love language is a greater sense of connection. This translates into better communication, increased understanding, and, ultimately, improved romance."
I'm currently doing my best at talking and doing the language of my husband and I'm asking the same in him. With our new journey coming ahead, I'm hoping our marriage will improve and stay on the right track. I can't wait to see what our future holds!

**I highly encourage anyone and everyone, whether you're married or not, to sit back and read this book. You learn things about yourself you may not already know and learn on how to improve on the things you're already working on. If you're married, it helps you to understand what it takes to make your partner happy...if you're single, you learn what it takes to make yourself happy and where to put the importance of "the languages" in your next relationship.**

And an important reminder to myself and others, a marriage takes three! God, your husband/wife, and yourself. You've made a vow to yourself and your spouse and a covenant to God. Let no man break this! Just pray and HE will lead you in the right direction.

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