Eight

I never thought I'd want this more than I do right now. I never thought I'd be at this point in my life so soon. I never thought it'd take so long. I never thought I'd be writing about this.

These are my thoughts on how I feel about this point we've reached in our relationship. This point being, trying to conceive.

It's been eight months now of trying...and failing. People say it's the stress, that we're not trying enough....what's to stress about? It's making love with your prince charming, it's natural, it's what we do.

It's been eight months of witnessing one sister in law get pregnant, three friends & now more recently, another sister in law. I couldn't be more happier for the friends, but it's kind of hit home for family. I can't say I'm happy for them, I can't feel that joy for them. I feel bad that I feel this way, I just look at it as...why them, why not us?

I keep wondering if there's something wrong with me or maybe the hubby. I keep holding off going to the doctor, in fear of what they may say.

Never in my life did I see my future like it has been laid out in front of me...but I'm also saying that I have no regrets. What has happened in my life has made me the person I am today. The mistakes I've made, I've learned from them. I feel stronger and happier than I have ever been.

These past three years have made me grow up quite quickly. My timeline goes as this:
August~Move out of my parents September~Meet my husband October~Engaged
November~Pregnant January~Married August~ Welcome a baby boy!

It seemed so easy to conceive...then. I never thought I'd be trying eight months or more. That 2009 baby has now become a 2010 baby, it may become a 2011 baby at the rate we're going.

I'm being patient in our wait, but with each negative test comes disappointment. Whenever God blesses us with the opportunity to become parents for the second time, I will be delighted.

All I want is healthy baby, boy or girl. A chance to do things differently with the second pregnancy. A chance to become a better mom; not only to a newborn but to our amazing son, Kainen.

I'm blessed to have such an amazing support group, my husband and my son. They are the best things in my life and I love them with all my heart. All you need is love....and family

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;

I appointed you as a prophet to the nations

Jeremiah 1:5